The Awesome Cupcakes of Chaos
by MorganBanner
Summary: What happens when fifteen delicious looking cupcakes full of a strong love potion are placed in different places around Soul Society, Karakura Town, and Los Noches?  An interesting mix of chaos.
1. Chapter 1: IkakkuYumichika

First fanfic! Woot! Let's see how this goes...

**Disclaimer:** As I am clearly not Tite Kubo, I do not own Bleach or any of its characters. I also do not own Pokémon, Justin Beiber, or Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus. If you recognize it, I probably don't own it. I don't want to be visited by creepy men in suits!

* * *

"Oh-ho, now this shall prove to be _very_ interesting," I thought to myself. I was looking at three different maps laid out on the ground before her. One was of the Soul Society, Seireitei in particular, the second was of Karakura Town, and the third was of Los Noches. On each map there were several red dots.

"What do these red dots mean?" you may ask. Well, I would be happy to explain.

I was surfing the Net when I found a very interesting recipe. It was a recipe for the…**AWESOME** **CUPCAKES OF CHAOS**. And yes, they must be written as such in all caps and in bold letters at all times. Anyway, these **AWESOME CUPCAKES OF CHAOS **have some very special properties.

They are made with a very potent love potion.

Some of you sharper readers may already be catching on. For those who are still putting the pieces together, I'll help you out a bit.

Me + love potions + fanfiction powers = a plan for tormenting our favourite Bleach characters.

Get it now? I made a batch of 15 **AWESOME CUPCAKES OF CHAOS** and placed them in strategic places around Seireitei, Karakura Town, and even Los Noches. And the maps with the red dots? The dots start bleeping whenever…

_Bleep_

*jumps* What was that? Oi! You in the audience! Turn yer cell off! Anyway…

_BLEEP_

No, seriously. Turn it off. I don't want any interruptions while I'm…

_**BLEEP**_

Okay, now I'm… Oh, wait. That's the map. HOLY SHNARKSFALLOPS SOMEONE'S FOUND A CUPCAKE ALREADY!

(if you haven't already figured it out, the red dots are alarms for whenever someone finds a cupcake)

Using my powers of fanfiction writing, I hurry over to the first victim.

_**BLEEEP!**_

(I HEAR YA! YOU CAN SHUT UP NOW, YA STINKIN' MAP!) (oh wait…I forgot to hit the off button…)

* * *

It was a normal day for Ayasegawa Yumichika and Madarame Ikakku. Well, as normal as a day can be in Seireitei. Yumichika was talking to himself again, and Ikakku was trying to come up with a new Tsuki-Tsuki dance. He already had one for each day of the year, so now he needed a special one for each special holiday. He was stuck on Halloween.

"Yumichika, do you think I should do this," Ikakku asked and did a move, "Or this?" He did another move.

"You are absolutely beautiful," Yumichika said to himself, "Thank you, I know I am. I am so pretty, I practically _own_ the word. Oh you are so right, you should buy the words 'pretty' and 'beautiful', so that whenever anyone uses those words, they _have_ to mention you!"

Ikakku shrugged and decided to do the first move in his Halloween Tsuki-Tuski dance. Feeling very proud of his little **BALD** self, Ikakku immediately started to practice it. He resembled a dying cow.

"Oh my beautiful gosh," Yumichika suddenly exclaimed, "What is _that_?"

This was when I appeared. Not in front of them, of course, but I found a nice little perch on the roof of a nearby building. I folded my maps and stuck them in my backpack, and sat back to watch the show.

Yumichika hurried over to the pedestal that was holding the cupcake. Ikakku stopped doing his dying cow dance and followed his companion. He was distracted by something shiny on the ground.

"Ooooh!" Ikakku exclaimed and ran over to look at the shiny coin he had found. "It's shiny! Like my **SHAVED** head!"

Pretty boy over by the cupcake wasn't paying attention to Ikakku's find. Instead, he was busy admiring the beautiful cupcake.

"This cupcake is so beautiful, it almost rivals you in prettiness, Yumichika," Yumichika said to himself, "I would normally disagree, but that cupcake is just beautiful! Its icing is perfectly fluffed and sculpted, and the bread is just moist enough to whet your tongue. And look how delicately it is placed upon a gentle dusting of powdered sugar!"

While Yumichika was admiring the cupcake, he started to wonder what it would taste like. Ikakku was still playing with his shiny coin that matched his **BALD** head.

"I wonder if this beautiful cupcake tastes just as beautiful as it looks," Yumichika wondered. "I know, I shall eat the cupcake!"

And with that, the beautiful Yumichika picked up the beautiful cupcake and took a beautiful bit out of it. Beautifully. His eyes lit up and he spun around to tell Ikakku about the beautiful tasting cupcake, when he froze.

_Three…two…one…_

"Ikakku!" Yumichika called and skipped over to the **BALD** man to throw himself on his friend, "Have I ever told you how beautiful your **BALD** head is?"

Ikakku immediately threw Yumichika off and drew his sword, "WHO JUST CALLED ME **BALD**?"

"I did, Ikakku dear," Yumichika replied skipping back to Ikakku to give him a hug, "The way your **BALD** head shines like a coin is very pretty."

Ikakku just stared. Then he noticed the cupcake and forgot all about Yumichika's sudden strange behaviour. "Is that a cupcake?"

"Yes, it is a beautiful cupcake. But if you want it, you'll have to give me a kiss!" Yumichika replied and puckered his lips.

Ikakku jumped back several feet, "WHAT THE HELL?"

"Oh, come on Ikakku," Yumichika started walking forward, "I just LOOOOVE you soo much!"

Screeching like a little girl, Ikakku turned tail and ran. Something was wrong with Yumichika, something that not even his Tsuki-Tsuki dance could fix.

"IKAKKU! DON'T RUN!" Yumichika began chasing after Ikakku, the **AWESOME CUPCAKE OF CHAOS **still in his hand.

Ikakku peered out around the corner of the Division Four's building. No sign of Yumichika. Ikakku breathed a sigh of relief. Yumichika weirded him out sometimes, but this was insane. And Ikakku really wanted a cupcake now.

_Yumichika will never think to find me here,_ Ikakku thought, _Squad Four is full of all the weak guys, so we always avoid them._

"Were you just insulting my Division, Madarame-san?"

Ikakku froze, knowing exactly who was standing behind him but hoping that he was wrong. He slowly turned around to see Captain Unohana Retsu standing only a few paces behind him. She had her scarily-sweet smile on her face that meant all hell was about to break loose.

"N-no Captain Unohana," Ikakku stuttered. _Damn that woman's scary,_ he thought, _wait how did she know what I was thinking?_

"I think you were, Madarame-san," Unohana replied, still smiling.

From my position several hundred yards away, where I was tracking Yumichika, I could see a bright spot suddenly go flying up high into the air. It was quite shiny.

"IKAKKU I FOUND YOU!" Yumichika called and raced towards the bright, shiny object that was now plummeting to the earth.

Groaning, Ikakku slowly stood up. Who knew that someone from Fourth Division could be so strong?

"IKAKKU!"

Ikakku flinched and got ready to run again, when suddenly he thought of something.

"Hold on, why the hell am I running?" Ikakku demanded, "Running's for cowards! I'll just beat some sense into Yumichika!"

Feeling self-satisfied, Ikakku started doing his Saint Patrick's Day Tuski-Tsuki dance. It _was_ March 17th, and even if Soul Society didn't celebrate the holiday didn't mean Ikakku couldn't make up a special dance for it.

"Ikakku, I loooove you!" Yumichika ran around the corner and sprinted towards Ikakku. All thoughts of beating sense into Yumichika disappeared from Ikakku's **BALD** head. He turned and ran.

"Why are you running, Ikakku?" Yumichika cried, sounding close to tears, "I just want to tell you how much I love you!"

"Get away from me!" Ikakku returned.

The pair ran past Captain Zaraki Kenpachi and Lieutenant Kusajishi Yachiru.

"Hi Cueball-chan!" Yachiru called as Ikakku raced by.

"Hi Yun-Yun!" Yachiru called as Yumichika raced by.

"Is this a fight?" Kenpachi asked eagerly and drew his sword, "Who wants to fight me?"

Ikakku, having a brilliant idea almost as brilliant as his shiny **BALD **head, turned and called back "Yumichika does!"

Kenpachi grinned and started racing after Yumichika, "Stop running and face me!"

"Ken-chan's happy!" Yachiru exclaimed.

Ikakku breathed a sigh of relief, thinking he was finally free from Yumichika, and then ran smack into someone.

"Oi, watch where you're…" Ikakku started to growl, but then trailed off when he saw who he had run into.

"Yo," Justin Bieber said.

Ikakku screeched and pointed a finger at JB (AN/ I refuse to write his name again). A large, red beam of light shot from his finger tip. There was nothing left of JB except for a large pile of ashes.

I was dumbfounded. How the held had JB found his way into my story? I didn't even put him there!

"He fell through a plot-hole," a voice from behind me said.

I whirled around to find Hannah Montana…er, Miley Cyrus…er, Mary-Sue…or whatever she's calling herself these days, standing right behind me.

"How the hell did you get here?" I exclaimed.

"I fell through a plot-hole," came the reply.

"What plot-hole? I don't know of any plot-hole!"

Suddenly HM/MC/MS started doing some weird dance and singing, "That's okay, 'cause everyone makes mistakes, everyone has bad days!"

Okay, time to get rid of her. JB was taken care of by that Cero thing Ikakku had shot (wait, _how_ is that possible?), so I didn't have to worry about him. Although, who knows what dreadful things his ashes could do? Maybe Squad 12 would have a good use for him…

"Begone, girl with no name!" I cried, and pointed a finger at HM/MC/MS. She disappeared.

I then turned my attention back to the group down below. Hopefully, no more strange/creepy/scary/all of the above people would appear.

"How'dja do that, Cueball?" Yachiru was asking. Yumichika had finally caught up with Ikakku and was now in the process of hugging him. Kenpachi was sulking in a corner because no one would fight him.

"I'll tell you! He used a Hyper Beam!"

Four pairs of eyes turned to the new person who had just appeared. Kenpachi made no sign that he noticed the new arrival. I felt like banging my head against a wall.

"Quick, Pikachu, it's the rare Ikakkumon, the **BALD** Pokémon!"

Ash Ketchum pointed a finger at Ikakku, and Pikachu leapt off his shoulder to face Ikakku.

"Pika-CHU!" it shouted.

"I'M NOT **BALD**," Ikakku roared, "MY HEAD IS **–**"

Whatever Ikakku was going to saw next was cut off as Ikakku and Yumichika were hit by Pikachu's Thunderbolt attack. They both went flying into the air.

"Look Ikakku, we're flying! And I can see the sun! It's almost as pretty as your **BALD** head!"

"I'M NOT **BALD**!"

Meanwhile, Kenpachi had recovered from his brief spell of emo-ness and ran over to Pikachu. He didn't care that Pikachu wasn't even close to being human.

"You wanna fight?" he said and pointed his sword at the little yellow Pokémon.

_BLEEP_.

"Time to go see who else found an **AWESOME CUPCAKE OF CHAOS**," I said. I should probably find that stupid plot-hole and send Ash and Pikachu back to whatever region they came from, but I didn't want to make Kenpachi go emo again. I'll fix it later.

* * *

So now I'm curious as to what you readers think. R & R please!


	2. Chapter 2: OrihimeChad

My muse is in a good mood right now, I already have two chapters up! (thirteen more to go...oh gosh...)

**Dissin' da Claim! **The only things I own in here are myself (at least, I owned myself the last time I checked...my brother may have finally succeeded in auctioning me off on eBay...) and **THE AWESOME CUPCAKES OF CHAOS**. Orihime and Sado belong to Tite Kubo, and the Teletubbies belong to whoever invented them. (by the way, the song Orihime is singing in the beginning can be found in Bleach chapter three)

AN/ huh, I just realised I forgot to disclaim Uchiha Sasuke, Orochimaru, Kabuto and the Narutoverse. Whoops.

* * *

"Raa is Raa from Ramen, Shi is Shinigawa Sushi's Shi, now let's sing…" Inoue Orihime sang as she skipped down the sidewalk. She had a bag full of groceries in her right hand. In the bag were all the materials for her dinner tonight: red bean paste, sourdough bread, jelly beans, and Tabasco sauce. Orihime was sure that they would make a good soup, but she felt it was missing something…something sweet…

"Oh, look!" Orihime exclaimed, "A cupcake!"

Orihime scurried over to the cupcake, which was sitting in a plain plate on top of a pedestal. It had a floral muffin tin and orange icing. Orihime thought it looked a bit like Ichigo.

"What a pretty cupcake!" Orihime said, "I think I'll add it to my soup!"

I arrived just in time to see Orihime go skipping off again, cupcake in one hand and her bag of miscellaneous food items in the other.

"_This ought to be good,"_ I thought as I quietly followed the orange haired girl.

"And add some jelly beans, and it's done!"

Orihime couldn't wait until dinner to have her red bean paste/sourdough bread/jelly bean/Tabasco sauce/cupcake soup, so she decided to have it for lunch. A strange aroma filled the kitchen, enough to make any sane person gag. Orihime, however, was far from sane when it came to foods.

Dipping a spoon into the nauseous mixture (I was trying not to barf, I could smell it through the window), Orihime tasted her soup.

On a side note, if she entered that witch's brew into a science fair, she'd be a shoo-in for universal first place.

Her eyes lit up with glee. The soup was FANTASTIC! It had the perfect combination of sweetness, spiciness, sourness, and bean pastiness.

"I must find whoever made this cupcake, and get their recipe," Orihime stated, her fists curled in determination, "I want to make this soup all the time!"

Who knew what went on in her mind to think that such a disgusting combination could actually taste good? I only hoped that being stewed with such a wide variety of flavours and kinds of foods wouldn't neutralise the love potion in the **AWESOME CUPCAKE OF CHAOS**. If the love potion was still in effect, then Orihime would get a sudden urge to share the cupcake with someone…

"I have a sudden urge to share this cupcake stew with someone," Orihime declared.

Well, that was freaky.

Orihime ran out the door so fast I nearly fell over the railing on the walkway in front of her apartment trying to hide. It was only because of my uber-ninja powers (hi-YAH!) that I was able to disappear, Anbu-style. (So in reality, I did in fact fall over the railing. But let's just pretend I'm a ninja…yeah…)

"Let's see…who to find…" Orihime said to herself, shading her eyes as she looked around for someone to share her cupcake soup with. From my crumpled position in the bushes below, I could see a pair of large feet walking down the road.

"SADO-KUUUUUN!"

Orihime raced down the stairs and threw herself onto Sado Yasutora, also known as Chad, who was looking thoroughly confused. At least, I _think_ he was confused. It was hard to tell with his emo-hair falling in front of his face. How does he see through that mop?

"Uh…"

And there you have it. A stellar example of the entire collection of Chad's vocabulary expressed in a single…sound. He considered himself too emo to say anything.

"Sado-kun, I never realised how handsome you are, and how awesome you are, and how much I looove you!" Orihime was babbling, "I think your emo-ness is really hot! You're even more emo than Uchiha Saskue!"

* * *

_Somewhere in the Naru__to-verse…_

"HACKSHOOZLES!" Sasuke sneezed.

"Sasuke-kun, what was that horrific sound? Did you get into my secret stash of Twinkies again? You know what they do to you," Orochimaru asked.

Sasuke looked around suspiciously, "No, I think someone was insulting my emo-ness!"

And then Sasuke ran off to go find something sharp and shiny to prove that he is very emo, leaving Orochimaru to count his collection of Twinkies and make sure that all of them were still there.

"KABUTO YOU STOLE ONE OF MY TWINKIES!" Orochimaru roared, and ran off to find his assistant, murder in his eyes. No one messes with Orochimaru's Twinkies.

* * *

Chad: "Uh…"

Translation: "WTF? What are you doing Orihime? Did you put something radioactive in your food again?"

Orihime shook her head, "No silly! I just looove you!"

Chad was looking very uncomfortable. At least, as uncomfortable as he could look without ruining his emo image. Then Chad decided that there was too much emotion to deal with, so he turned and walked away.

And then was knocked over by Orihime's Santen Kesshun, which had suddenly appeared in front of him.

Chad: "Oof."

Translation: "What in the world was that for? Warn people before you spontaneously throw shields in front of them!"

Orihime skipped back over to Chad, singing, "I just looove Chad, he's so emo, I just looove Chad, he's so…"

She paused.

"What rhymes with emo?"

Chad simply stared. This was weird. Usually Orihime acted like this around Ichigo. Maybe Orihime really _did_ put something radioactive in her food.

In that case, Chad needed to make his escape very soon, before the effects of whatever Orihime had eaten spread to him. Chad did not want to lose his emo-ness and be reduced to the level of Uchiha Sasuke.

* * *

_Somewhere in the Naruto-__verse…_

"AKALACHOOZELS!" Sasuke sneezed.

"NOO! SOMEONE IS DOUBTING MY EMO-NESS!" Sasuke screamed, "I AM MORE EMO THAN ANYONE!11‼‼1"

Sasuke started pacing, wondering how he could prove his emo-ness.

"I know, I'll go destroy Konoha, and claim it was because I was mad at the village for killing off my family! I'll blame it on Danzo, 'cause he's just creepy with all his creepy-smile-ness and 'I'm emo because I have a ton of bandages' stuff!"

And so Sasuke went to do just that. But he was thwarted in the attempt because Uzumaki Naruto beat him in a sissy fight and went on to become Hokage, forcing Sasuke to wear pink and be not-emo for the rest of his life. Basically, be Sakura.

The End.

* * *

"El Directo," Chad said, and aimed a blast into the ground. If he was going to run away, then he had to do it in a badass way. Which meant firing a large blast of energy and smoke while hi-tailing it out of there so that it would look like he disappeared.

Unfortunately, Orihime's intelligence level suddenly skyrocketed, and she knew exactly where Chad was going. She sent Koten Zanshun to stop him. Chad retaliated with another badass blast of energy and smoke to the ground. This time he was able to get away.

Chad ran through the streets, but he didn't run like a sissy. He ran emo-ly, with his head down so he couldn't see anything. Occasionally Chad would run through brick walls or cars, but none of that stopped him. He was too emo to be stopped.

"Sado-kuuun!" Orihime cried, sending her Koten Zanshun after Chad again, "Why are you running!"

I tagged along, keeping out of sight and trying to avoid the aftershocks of Chad's emo-running through solid objects. This was getting to be quite interesting, and best of all, no strange/weird/creepy/all of the above people were dropping out of plot-holes. Which I still had yet to find.

Suddenly, something appeared in the sky and landed right on top of me. It was large, it was purple, and it was carrying a red handbag.

This definitely fit the 'all-of-the-above' option, although 'people' didn't quite apply.

"WHAT THE HECK IS A TELETUBBY DOING HERE?" I roared. Or tried to, at least. It's kind of hard to sound angry and pissed when you have a giant purple monster/creature thing sitting on you.

"Tinky Winky sad," the purple creature said and stood up. Then it saw Orihime.

"Tinky Winky like lollypop girl!" Tinky Winky, I'm assuming that's its name, because it sounds like its talking in third-person, exclaimed and ran over to Orihime and hugged her. Why did it think Orihime was a lollypop? No clue. Maybe it was the hair.

"No! I must catch Sado-kun!" Orihime screeched, "I need to feed him the cupcake soup!"

"Lollypop girl come with Tinky Winky!" Tinky Winky cried, and promptly disappeared into thin air with Orihime. Chad was nowhere to be seen.

Well, crap.

* * *

Having Orihime kidnapped is probably a bad thing. Ichigo might be mad.

Ichigo: -appears and slaps me-

Me: WFT?

Ichigo: -disappears-

Me: ...I think there is something drastically wrong here...things keep appearing where they shouldn't...

R&R?

Oh, and if you have any suggestions for future (humorous) pairings, let me know!


	3. Chapter 3: AizenGlassella

I had meant to post this _ages_ ago, but my computer decided to be a jerk and wouldn't let me for some reason. *glaresatcomputer* Anyway...

Acknowledgements for this idea goes to lamekirby and her fanfic: the diary journal of Ulquiorra Cifer. (go check it out!) Thanks for the great idea!

Also a huge thanks to my new beta reader, Miku Alli, who also has some funny fics (go check them out!)

And here by invitation/force-kidnapping is Iggy! (FYI, Iggy is a blind pyromaniac from the series "Maximum Ride" by James Patterson)

Iggy: Yo.

Me: Would you like to do the disclaiming?

Iggy: *shrugs* Sure, it's not like I got anything better to do.

Me: *sob* But I let you play with matches!

Iggy: You know Max is going to kill you when she sees you.

Me: Yeah, yeah, I'll just shove a plateful of chocolate chip cookies in her face while I make my escape. Now disclaim so I'm not visited by creepy men in suits holding briefcases!

Iggy: *sighs* Embee does not own Bleach, as she is obviously not a guy named Tite Kubo. She does not own Uchiha Sasuke or me, either. She does not own Dora the Explorer. Ai belongs to lamekirby. But she does own **THE AWESOME CUPCAKES OF CHAOS**. Hey, can I take some back with me?

Me: NO WAY, I do _not_ want to give another reason for Max to kill me.

Iggy: Darn…

* * *

Aizen Sousuke was admiring himself in his bathroom mirror. Again. And when I say admiring himself, I mean his mullet. It was rather creepy.

"I think I shall go sit on my throne and drink spiked tea," Aizen said to himself, "And then I shall order Ulquiorra around."

And so, Aizen walked out of his bathroom and into the throne room. Then he noticed something was wrong. There was a tall pedestal sitting several feet in front of his throne. And on it was a cupcake. The cupcake's icing was sculpted to look like a…

Mullet.

Immediately Aizen knew he had to have that cupcake. The mullet-cupcake was so awesome looking that it rivalled his own mullet. And that cannot happen. Only Aizen can have an awesome mullet.

'_I must tell Ulquiorra to go assassinate Billy Ray Cyrus',_ Aizen thought as he marched up to the cupcake, '_I cannot allow him to copy my mullet.'_

The cupcake was delicious. Aizen wondered if Ulquiorra made it. Ever since Aizen made Ulquiorra keep a journal and the fraccion named Ai, Ulquiorra had picked up some rather…odd habits.

'_Now for my tea',_ Aizen thought, and walked over to his throne to sit down and order some spiked tea. He had a special button on the arm of his throne just for doing that. Aizen was wondering if Ulquiorra would be the one to make him tea when his eyes fell upon the most beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, beautiful, pretty, wonderful, amazing pair of glasses.

Yes, glasses. The very same pair that he wore in Seireitei and removed when he left.

Wanna know how I was watching? Well, I couldn't simply hide in the room, it was hard enough sneaking in unseen. And I was reluctant to use fanfiction writing powers to hide myself, because of all the strange fluctuations that had been happening lately (JB appearing out of nowhere, Teletubbies falling from the sky…). So I bribed/blackmailed/threatened Szayel to give me control of his stalker CCTV camera system (he even has cameras set up in everyone's bedrooms and bathrooms, seriously, this guy has no life). I had hopped over to Los Noches after my map starting bleeping at me.

Just in case you're wondering, no, I had not forgotten about Orihime's predicament. I was in the process of finding a way to get her back (something that involved a pound of bacon, one very traumatised chinchilla, and a mess of electrical wires that once detonated could probably blow Russia off the map), and had to leave Iggy (who I had borrowed/kidnapped) to finish it. I'm still wondering if leaving the blind pyromaniac with a very deadly bomb was the best idea…

"OMG YOU ARE THE MOST HOT PAIR OF GLASSES I HAVE EVER SEEN," Aizen screamed, and proceeded to make out with the glasses.

"Is Aizen-sama kissing a pair of glasses?" Szayel asked, looking very annoyed. He doesn't like it when other people can bribe/blackmail/threaten him.

"Yes, yes he is," I replied. _That_ certainly wasn't on the recipe label. How in the world can someone fall in love with an inanimate object?

"I'm recording this," Szayel said with an evil glint in his eye. I dreaded to think about what horrible weapon I had just given him. Oh well.

And then Ulquiorra walked in, holding a tray of spiked tea. I guess Aizen had accidentily pressed his tea button while, um, kissing his glasses.

I really wish I had some eye bleach.

"…"

Well, it looks like we have someone even _more_ emo than either Chad or Sasuke!

* * *

Chad: (who was hiding behind Chappy's Sell-o-Rama stand – don't ask what that is) *emosneeze*

Sasuke: (who is still wearing pink and acting not-emo, a.k.a. Sakura 2.0) HAKOLUZZELS

* * *

"…Aizen-sama, what are you doing?" Ulquiorra asked.

_("An interesting reaction," Szayel muttered and wrote something down on a piece of paper.)_

"WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING?"

"…kissing a pair of glasses…." Ulquiorra answered.

"YES. NOW GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME AND GLASSELLA ALONE!" Aizen yelled, "BUT LEAVE THE TEA BEHIND!"

Ulquiorra was quick to place the tea on the pedestal and make his exit.

Glassella? These cupcakes were starting to have some odd side-effects.

Suddenly Aizen stood up from his throne, ignoring his spiked tea, and skipped out of the room. Yes, _skipped_. And it sounded like he was singing something from Dora the Explorer… I quickly switched camera views to track him.

Aizen was skipping down the long halls of Los Noches, singing about his glasses. The song went something like this…

"I've got a pair, of totally awesome glaaaasses!

They're so cool and hoooooot,

And they're all miiiiiiine!"

And then disaster struck. Nnoitra the Spoonhead with giant Spoon for a Weapon stuck out his leg and tripped the Lord of Los Noches. Aizen fell to the ground, and 'Glassella' flew from his hands…and landed right under Yammy's foot…who crushed them.

There was a long, unnerving silence. Spoonhead was having a hard time biting back (or should I say _spooning_ back? Gedditt? /ishitwithabrick) his laughter and Yammy was staring at his foot with a look of confusion on his face. Poor dear, he probably didn't know what he just did.

"You…" Aizen snarled, and picked himself off the floor, "You…MURDERED GLASSELLA!"

"Sorry?" Yammy said stupidly, wondering what on earth a 'gassella' was, and if it was edible. Yammy was hungry.

"YOU WILL DIE A MOST HORRIBLE DEATH…AGAIN…AND THEN I WILL BRING YOU BACK TO…DEATH…WITH THE SPECIAL OBJECT THAT BEGINS WITH AN 'H' AND THE AUTHOR CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO LOOK UP THE PROPER SPELLING TO KILL YOU AGAIN…AGAIN…"

Oi…the author is not happy about being slighted like that…even if it is true…

Suddenly the cameras fizzled out. Szayel cursed at me, giving me a much wider vocabulary of swears, and started pounding on the keys. I decided that it was probably time to make my escape (and go check to make sure Iggy hadn't blown Russia off the map) before Aizen totally destroyed Los Noches in his grief-powered rage. Plus, my map was bleeping at me again, so it was the perfect excuse.

"See ya', Szayel, got a cupcake to find," I said and disappeared before the insane pink-haired Espada could stop me.

* * *

Tousen Kaname looked around the empty throne room. He was supposed to be having a meeting with Aizen-sama right about now, but Tousen couldn't feel Aizen's spiritual pressure anywhere in the room. There was an odd fluctuation of reiatsu that felt sort of like Aizen's, but there was no way that Aizen-sama would be losing control like that. Tousen sometimes wondered if there was anything that could make Aizen change expression.

"It is not justifiably correct if Aizen-sama is late," Tousen said, his nose twitching as he detected the faint aroma of something other than spiked tea.

"I smell something justifiably sweet," Tousen declared, and marched over to the pedestal. He reached out a hand, and took a bite of the remaining cupcake.

"Hmmm, if justice had a taste, then this would be it. I wonder if Ulquiorra made this, I must order him to make it more often."

And with that, Tousen left the throne room, feeling nothing other than a justified sense of annoyance at Aizen's lateness.

* * *

Well, that certainly was interesting to write. Who would have thought that Aizen would become infatuated with his glasses? I'm certain that Spoonhead...

Spoonhead: *appears* I'm not 'Spoonhead'! Oi, why does my name say 'Spoonhead'? I'm gonna kill you for this!

Me: Ah, shaddup and fall in a plot hole why don't you.

Spoonhead: *fallsinplothole* Noooooooo!

R&R please! And give me ideas for humorous pairings, even crack pairings like this! I have fifteen **AWESOME CUPCAKES OF CHAOS** I need to go through, and I only have so many ideas! (Man, why in the world did I make fifteen cupcakes?)


	4. Chapter 4: IchigoXYoruichiXSoiFong

Me: And now, because I find it is quite fun to kidnap another character to do you disclaiming for you, I present, the shiny elf dude who I pulled out from one of the plot holes, Legolas from Lord of the Rings!

Legolas: How did I get here? Who are you? Where's Gimli, and Aragorn? I have something very important to tell them: They're taking the Hobbits to Isengard!

Me: *snortswaterupnose*

Legolas: What's so funny? It's true, they're taking the Hobbits to Isengard!

Me: *laughs* Legolas, my dear shiny elf dude, I'm going to have to show you this one very funny YouTube video. NOW DISCLAIM BEFORE I CUT YOUR SHINY HAIR

Legolas: *cowers* Yes, ma'am. Embee does not own Bleach, or Winnie the Pooh, or me. Come to think of it, does this mean someone _does_ own me?

Me: Yes, it does. Oh, and thanks to Miku Alli for the idea for this chapter, and for beta reading for me again! Also, the way I spell 'Soi Fong' here is the way that I've always seen it. The way it is spelt on FF is really weird and has too many funky letters that I'm too lazy to write out, and the way it's seen on Bleach Wikia is weird too. So 'Soi Fong' it is!

Legolas: Wait, what are you talking about? _Who_ owns me?

* * *

"So where's this cupcake at?" I asked myself, searching my maps for the red dot that was sounding its alarm. "Seireitei again? Hmmm, I wonder how Ikakku's doing with Yumichika…I'm not quite sure how long it takes for those cupcakes to wear off…"

If the explosions and sudden shocks of lightning from the sky were anything to go by, I'd guess that chaos was still reigning. And that Kenpachi was still fighting Pikachu. It made me wonder how the rest of Seireitei was reacting to Ikakku's and Yumichika's (not to mention the Kenpachi-Pikachu fight) little dilemma, but then I just figured that everyone was probably just putting it off as more Squad 11 madness.

Soon I arrived at the scene of the…well, not crime…(I don't know…is tormenting fictional characters a crime?)…future chaos.

It was Soi Fong. She was studying **THE AWESOME CUPCAKE OF CHAOS** with the utmost interest. Upon a closer look, I saw why.

The cupcake's icing was sculpted to look like the face of a black cat.

See, these cupcakes are designed to change shape to appeal to whoever looked at them first. Yumichika's beautiful cupcake, Orihime's Ichigo cupcake, Aizen's mullet cupcake (now _that_ was wierd), and now Soi Fong's Yoruichi cupcake.

Just as Soi Fong was reaching out for the cupcake, my map started bleeping at me.

"Another one, already?" I said in surprise. Of course, I should have expected that more than one cupcake would be found at a time, but I was hoping that it wouldn't happen. I can't be in two places at once to see both cupcakes take effect.

"I'll just go see who took the second cupcake," I said and raced off to the second location. Surprisingly, it was also in Seireitei, and not that far away.

* * *

Soi Fong looked at the cupcake in a very ninja-like way. Soi Fong was an awesome ninja, and did everything in ninja-like way. She had no idea what a cupcake was doing in the middle of her Squad's training area, unless her useless lieutenant left it there. If that were true, then why did the icing look like Yoruichi-sama?

"It _is _a nice-looking cupcake," Soi Fong admitted ninja-ly, "And since it has the face of Yoruichi-sama on it, I cannot allow anyone to have this cupcake!"

And so Soi Fong ate it. Like a ninja. Then she quickly did a ninja-like look-around to make sure no one had seen her eating such a sugary treat. Fortunately, no one was around. If anyone had seen her, they would quickly find themselves in the Fourth Division from being attacked by a very mad, very ninja-like ninja.

"Now I must go find Yoruichi-sama and make sure that that creepy shopkeeper is not doing anything bad to her. I must serve Yoruichi-sama!"

* * *

Kurosaki Ichigo stared at the Zangestu-shaped cupcake, wondering why in the world such a strange human treat was doing in the middle of the Seireitei.

"Come to think of it, what am I doing here?" Ichigo asked himself, "I am too busy protecting Karakura Town and being the immortal, totally badass, awesome, Gary-Stu main character that I am to be hanging around the Soul Society. I am scheduled to go get nearly killed by Grimmjow again, only to be miraculously healed by some random occurrence and kick his butt."

The truth was, Ichigo was chasing down a Hollow, making sure that he was still looking awesome while doing it, when suddenly he fell through a hole and landed in Seireitei. The hole had disappeared, and Ichigo was quite glad it did. He had seen many weird things inside that hole.

"I must find out who that shiny-haired, pointy-eared guy was with the bow, because he looks almost as awesome as me, and I want to make sure he knows that I'm the most awesomest person there is," Ichigo said to himself, reaching for the cupcake. It looked so delicious that he just _had_ to eat it.

Anyone seeing similarities between Ichigo and Aizen?

*coughegosthesizeofRussiacough*

The cupcake tasted good. Ichigo had to admit that, but he kept scowling and looking as if he didn't care what the cupcake tasted like. But he still looked like the immortal, totally badass, awesome, Gary-Stu character that he was.

"I might as well find Kenpachi and fight him," Ichigo said to himself and wandered off, "I'll take this as a change to once again prove how awesome I am."

Shihoin Yoruichi was in a good mood. Not only had she found a bag of catnip, but she had also caught wind of a giant store of the amazing stuff hidden somewhere in Seireitei.

Just so you know, it is totally a coincidence that she found the catnip, which I totally didn't steal from Grimmjow, and I totally didn't leave obvious notes lying around about the "hidden store".

* * *

_Somewhere in Los Noches…_

"DAMMIT WHO TOOK MY CATNIP?" Grimmjow roared, "I TOLD ULQUIORRA TO STAY OUT OF MY F^!*G CATNIP!"

And then Grimmjow raced off to go make Ulqui-kun give him back his catnip, which I totally didn't steal.

* * *

Yoruichi was on the hunt for the catnip. She had already searched Squads Thirteen to Six, and was on her way to the Fifth. She still had yet to find the catnip. The Goddess of Flash was not happy.

Soi Fong had used her ninja-senses to sense Yoruichi's reiatsu and was racing…erm, _sneaking like a ninja _to go meet her mistress. Maybe now she could convince Yoruichi-sama to stay in Seireitei and away from the creepy candy seller…

Ichigo was just wandering. He couldn't sense his way out of a paper bag, but he pretended he knew where he was going. He didn't even think to head in the direction of the mass destruction that was happening in the distance.

(I wonder what Seireitei's bills are like…no wonder the Central 46 is full of self-centred idiots…)

And then they met.

Yoruichi appeared in the middle of the path, looking around for catnip. Soi Fong was on one end, and Ichigo was on the other.

And then all hell broke loose.

"Shihoin Yoruichi!" Soi Fong roared ninja-ly.

Wait, roared? Shouldn't she be glomping Yoruichi by now?

"Yoruichi-sama!" Ichigo sang, sparkles glittering in the background as his eyes lit up with hearts, and started skipping down the path.

_Sang?_ That's almost as creepy as seeing Aizen making out with 'Glassella'.

Yoruichi looked from one shinigami to the other. One looked like she was ready to commit bloody murder; the other looked like he wanted to glomp Yoruichi.

The Goddess of Flash took one look at the oncoming shinigami, and Shunpoed out of there. Soi Fong, who had leapt up to beat down on Yoruichi, instead just barely missed Ichigo, who had tripped and fallen flat on his face. The ground beneath them fell away, revealing a large underground cavern with…

I really need to do something about that plot hole…

There was Captain-Commander Yamamoto Genryousai Shigekuni, the guy in control of the entire Soul Society (because does anyone _seriously_ pay _any_ attention to the Central 46?), doing some kind of shady deal with Winnie the Pooh, involving several tons of bacon.

My respect for that lovable childhood character is forever tarnished.

The strained silence between Ichigo, Soi Fon, Yamamoto, and Winnie the Pooh was broken by a whiny voice.

"BACON!"

Suddenly Kon fell from the sky and immediately started devouring the bacon. How he could eat bacon when he was a stuffed toy, I have no idea. But Yammamoto and Pooh took action the moment they saw their precious bacon being eaten by the tiny lion.

"BANKAI!" they both shouted. Wait, does Pooh even _have_ a Zanpakutou?

By the incredibly vicious weapon in the paws of the incredibly adorable bear, I would guess so.

Soi Fong and Ichigo made their escape in the ensuing chaos. Kon had somehow pulled out Excalibur from the mountain of bacon, and was currently holding his own against Yamamoto and Pooh.

Who knew the Captain Commander could get his butt kicked by a toy?

"Yoruichi-sama! Where are you?" Ichigo was calling, skipping from roof-top to roof-top, "I want to share my awesomeness with you!"

"You vile creature," Soi Fong spat at the orange-haired shinigami, "How could you say that traitor's name with such respect? She shall die!"

"Over my dead body! Yoruichi-sama shall live forever! Bankai!"

"As you wish! Sting all enemies to death, Suzumebachi!"

Now I'm sure you're wondering why Soi Fong, who had eaten a cupcake, was suddenly out for Yoruichi's blood and not glomping her.

Heh, heh…Me too.

So I took a look at the label of the recipe for these **TOTALLY AWESOME CUPCAKES OF CHAOS**, and this is what it said:

"_Warning: If the person who has eaten one of these cupcakes looks at another person that they are already infatuated with/greatly admire, then the reverse effect will take place."_

In other words, Soi Fong, who practically worshipped Yoruichi, now hated her with a passion. Ichigo felt the normal affects, thus his sudden infatuation with Yoruichi.

"Getsuga Tenshou!"

Ichigo swung his sword at Soi Fong, and sent her flying back. Before Soi Fong could recover in a ninja-like way, she was hit by a UFPOB (Unidentified Flying Piece Of Bacon) and knocked out of the sky. Ninja-ly. Immediately, Soi Fong was attacked by Yamamoto, Winnie the Pooh, and Kon.

They were still fighting over the pile of Bacon.

Kon was winning.

"For the BACON!" Yamamoto roared, and attacked Soi Fong, thinking that she was trying to steal the bacon.

"No! The ninja is mine!" Ichigo roared back, and the two clashed.

"OUTTA DA WAY!" Pooh roared, and punched Ichigo.

What a blow to the ego. Ichigo just got punched into oblivion by a bear whose head's full of fluff. Hey, he even disappeared into the sky with a little twinkle like Team Rocket does!

Then all three bacon-fanatics fell upon Soi Fong the Ninja. Soon all four of them were battling to the death for the bacon. Soi Fong thought they were hiding Yoruichi in the pile of bacon, so she was fighting to destroy the pile. The other three were fighting to eat the bacon.

And Kon was _still_ winning.

* * *

"Pass me some popcorn, Yoruichi, please," I said.

"Sure," Yoruichi answered around a mouthful of catnip.

Yeah, she found the hidden store that I didn't even know existed. Who would have thought that Ggio Vega keeps his stock of catnip (which I could swear he gets off the black market) in Seireitei? Under Hitsugaya Toushiro's desk, next to all of Matsumoto Rangiku's sake?

Poor Shiro-chan…

"I'll bet 20 that the bear wins," Yoruichi said.

"As the person controlling the outcome of all this, it would be dishonourable to make bets on this sort of thing," I answered with a sniff.

"Make it 30."

"Deal."

* * *

Me: Yoruichi still owes me.

Legolas: *sniff*

Me: Oh, get a grip. The video was supposed to be _funny_.

Legolas: I am ashamed.

Me: *rollseyes*

Legolas: Who created that video? I must regain my honour by facing them in combat.

Me: Dude, this is the 21st century, no one does that anymore.

Legolas: Then how do you regain your honour if it is tarnished in such a way?

Me: You make an equally degrading video back. Anyway, I hope you –

Aizen: *appears* Embee! You must pay for ridiculing my handsome Mullet! BANKAI!

Me: Crap! *disappears*

Aizen: You will not escape! *disappears*

Legolas: Wait! You still need to send me back to Middle Earth! And show me how to make a degrading video to regain my honour!

*silence*

Legolas: *sigh* R&R, I guess?


	5. Chapter 5: RenjiRukia

Legolas: *sigh* Embee still hasn't returned. I hope Aizen didn't kill her, because I need her to get me back home… But I found this document on her computer, it was titled "POST THIS ELF DUDE", and I found instructions for posting this chapter. Really, you future humans are quite odd. Oh, I guess I should disclaim, because I'm the only one who can do it…

Legolas: MorganBanner does not own Bleach, nor does she own me. Actually, I used Embee's computer to find out who _does_ supposedly own me. A very interesting man name Tolkien…I wonder if _he_ could put me back in Middle Earth…

* * *

Abarai Renji, fukutaicho of the Sixth Division, really liked pineapples. And mangos, but mangos weren't _nearly _as good as pineapples. Renji liked pineapples so much, he even styled his hair to look like a pineapple. (If only he could dye his hair so the colour would match…maybe Kurostuchi-taicho would help him)

So imagine Renji's glee when he found a cupcake with pineapple-shaped icing.

He wasted no time in eating it.

His eyes glowing, Renji struck a pose and declared, "That cupcake was almost as awesome as a pineapple! It was so pineapple-y!"

"Renji!"

Hearing his name, Renji turned and saw…

...

...

...

Kuchiki Rukia running his way, and suddenly it was as if the sun had turned into a pineapple and was shining down its lovely pineapple rays to warm the pineapple earth.

"Renji? Hellooooo!" Rukai said, waving her hand in front of Renji's face, which was totally zoned out.

"Rukia!" Renji shouted and then skipped over to hug her.

Renji suddenly shot up into the sky, a very confused look on his face, powered on by Rukia's instinctive punch. After landing, Renji jumped up totally free from any kind of injury (even his Shihakushou was totally clean) and asked in a broken voice with a flood of tears running down his face, "Ruki-chan? Why?"

Rukia shook a fist at Renji, "What do you mean 'why'? I should be asking you that!"

"But I love you! You're even better than pineapples!"

And then Renji jumped forward and gave Ruki-chan a biiiig kiss.

Aaaand, guess who was watching?

Other than _me_, of course _I'm_ watching.

"Bankai, Senbonzakura Kageyoshi."

Kuchiki Byakuya, taicho of the Sixth Division and Renji's commanding officer, was mad. In fact, you could go so far as to say he was _furious_.

Renji was a dead man walking.

"Good bye, my love, I will retuuuuurrrn!" Renji shouted to Rukia as he ran as fast as he could away from his very angry taicho.

Rukia simply stood there in shock as Byakuya _furiously_ _stalked_ after Renji (ya' see, Byakuya was too _noble_ to actually _run_ like a maniac the way he really wanted to).

Realising that I was about to lose a character, I did something that would most definitely get me killed if Byakuya ever found out (so no telling, 'kay?).

I tripped him. And then disappeared as ninja-ly as I could (which involved me scrambling up the wall as fast as I could. Huh, I just realised I've had three parentheses-things in the past three sentences…okay, now I'm rambling…)

Byakuya took a total face-plant into the ground, which would have been very funny if I wasn't currently fleeing for my life.

But guess what happened? Byakuya fell right onto one of the **AWESOME CUPCAKES OF CHAOS**.

My thoughts: WTF?

Slowly, Byakuya stood and wiped the cupcake guts off his face. He looked at the mess of icing on his hands and licked his fingers. Suddenly his face blanked out, and smoke started pouring out of his ears. Byakuya's eyes rolled back, and the great, amazing, hot (wait, did I just type that?), stick-up-his-ass-that-has-a-stick-up-his-ass, proud, amazing Kuchiki Byakuya fell to the ground.

The sweetness of the cupcake had shorted him out.

Renji suddenly appeared beside his fallen taicho (seriously, how does he do that? I gotta learn that trick…).

"Nooo! Taicho!"

I guess he had forgotten that his taicho was trying to murder him in a very brutal and barbaric way just moments ago.

Rukia decided to make her appearance again, and immediately walked up to Renji and said,

"Come, my love, now we shall skip off into the sunset and live happily ever after!111!1!"

And so they did just that, leaving the Fourth Division to scrape the shorted-out remains of Kuchiki Byakuya off the street.

My thoughts: Where did the sunset come from? It was noon, like, three seconds ago. _And why are they skipping?_

Oh well.

Seven **AWESOME CUPCAKES OF CHAOS** down, eight to go. Oh boy, who's next?

* * *

_Somewhere in the outer-reaches of the universe… (Pooh punches hard…)_

Ichigo twitched.

"I have the feeling that someone just skipped off into the sunset with Rukia. Oh well. Byakuya will just murder them in a very brutal and barbaric yet elegant and beautiful fashion."

He sighed. Floating around in nothingness was boring, and there was no way he could show off his awesomeness if there wasn't anyone around.

"Hey, I think I see some people. Well, two people and a weird cat-like thing with a coin on its head. I wonder if it knows Yoruichi…"

And so Ichigo floated off to go show off his awesomeness to the two people and their weird cat.

* * *

Legolas: *sob* I just found out that Tolkien is actually dead, and thus he cannot help me. I suppose I'll just have to occupy myself by eating this wonderfully delicious treat called 'chocolate' I found…

Me: *appears* NOBODY TOUCHES MY CHOCOLATE! *attacksLegolas*

Legolas: *eeep!* I'm sorry! I didn't know…wait, how did you get here? What happened to you?

Me: *munchesonchocolate* Remind me to send a letter of apology to Tite Kubo…I believe I may have accidentally killed off his main antagonist…sorry Ichigo…

Ichigo: *appears* YOU MONSTER! YOU TOOK AWAY MY AWESOMENESS!

Me: Ah, go fall into a plot-hole, why doncha. Spoonhead needs the company.

Ichigo: *fallsintoplothole* NOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo

Me: Hmm…now I just killed off the main protagonist…darn it…

Legolas: o.0

Me: Oh well. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! And thanks again to Miku Alli for beta reading! You're even more awesome than the **AWESOME CUPCAKES OF CHAOS**.

Legolas: The powers of a fanfiction artist are truly powers to be feared. Would you be interested in destroying a certain ring of power and ridding my world of a certain embodiment of evil?

Me: That depends, how much are ya' gonna pay me?


	6. Chapter 6: NnoitraNel

Me: Well, I had to send Legolas back. He was starting to go emo because he missed his buddies (or maybe it was because he couldn't pay me enough to go destroy Sauron…). Now I kina miss him…oh, is that chocolate? *eatschocolate* Hey, he left his bow. Maybe I should return it…

Aizen: *pushesmeoutoftheway* Hello, puny fanfiction readers. This is Aizen, Owner of the Moste Handomee Mullete ande Futuree Rulere ofe thee Entiree Freakinge Universee. And Wal-Mart. They make too much money, so I must take their money. I have taken over this puny fanfiction author to give you a very important message. I –

Me: *smacksAizenwithLegolas'sbow* Whoops, broke the bow… I thought I dumped you off Mount Doom! (by the way, sorry Frodo, but there's no more Mount Doom. The mountain kinda exploded when it had to swallow such a creepy paedophilic mulleted stalker…)

Aizen: THAT WAS ALL PART OF MY PLAN! I MADE YOU THINK YOU DUMPED ME OFF MOUNT DOOM, BUT REALLY IT WAS THE LITTLE MAN WITH THE FURRY FEET! I AM ALL POWERFUL! WAHAHAHAHA!

Me: *sniffs* Oh yeah? Then why's your mullet burnt off?

Aizen: WTF? *runsandlooksinamirror* NOOOOOOOOO! *dies*

Me: …Well…I hope _that_ killed him off…Anyway, now for the disclaimer:

I do not own Bleach, or Legolas, or Mount Doom, or anything that has to do with either Bleach or Lord of the Rings (although I do take responsibility for killing off Bleach's main protagonist…twice…and for destroying Mount Doom and thus _dooming_ the entire plot for LOTR…not really, I'll blame Luke Skywalker) or anything else that obviously belongs to someone else. And a ginormous, chocolate-covered thank you to vampire13princess, who gave me the idea for this chapter.

* * *

After getting himself nearly killed in Aizen's grief-induced rage from losing Glassella (he was still holding the funeral), and falling into a plot-hole with that one carrot top, Nnoitra Gilga wanted nothing more than to go and play with his collection of spoons. Nnoitra liked spoons. Spoons did so many things, like help you eat ice cream.

So Nnoitra was walking down the halls of the half-destroyed Los Noches (Aizen was not happy at losing Glassella) with his fraccion, Tesra Lindocruz, heading for his secret spoon collection room. As they were walking, Tesra suddenly tripped and fell into a plot-hole. But Nnoitra didn't notice, and kept walking.

No one really cared about what happened to…er…T…Ter…Ker…ah, who cares what his name was!

Now I think you know by now what happens next.

Nnoitra found a spoon-shaped cupcake!

Spoonhead was very happy. Very happy indeed.

"I will take it back and eat it with one of my spoons!" Nnoitra cried and skipped off to eat his spoon-shaped cupcake with one of his spoons.

"Seriously, what is with these guys and _skipping?_ It's starting to creep me out," I said as I watched Nnoitra through Szayel's computers. No, I am not a stalker, what made you think that?

Szayel, for some odd reason, was not keen on letting me use his cameras again, but I was eventually able to…_convince_ him. (i.e. I distracted him with a signed picture of Lady Gaga…don't ask how I got that…and then hit him over the head with Kirby's hammer…don't ask how I got that either…it's safer if you don't know…) So now Szayel was sitting very comfortably in one of his tanks, tied up with every single bit of rope I could find. I only hope that liquid he's floating in doesn't have any…_permanent_ effects.

Oh well~

On another screen, I could see the next victim of the cupcakes approaching. One million dollars to the one who can guess who it is. If you can't, then you were obviously so excited to read my totally awesome chapter that you didn't even look at the chapter title.

Or maybe I'm just hoping that.

Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck was wandering through the empty and completely destroyed hallways of Los Noches, whistling. Why was she whistling? Your guess is as good as mine. For some odd reason she was in her adult form. And she had a giant purple bow on her head, right on top of her skull helmet.

Weird.

Anyway, Nel just happened to come across Nnoitra Spoonhead as he had finished stuffing his face with a ladle-full of cupcake. For a few seconds neither of them moved. Then suddenly Nnoitra leaped at Nel, shouting,

"Neeellll! Hen di' oo het 'ere? Ah'm fooo haffy to seeee ooo!" (do remember he still had the ladle in his mouth, Nnoitra Spoonhead forgot to remove it so he could talk properly)

And then he glomped her.

Aaaand then Nel Ceroed him.

But suddenly! Nnoitra Spoonhead jumped back, pulled the ladle out of his mouth, pointed it at the Cero, and shouted,

"STOP! In the name of love~"

And the Cero burst into a shower of pretty pink butterflies~

Getting down on one knee, Nnoitra Spoonhead threw his arms wide and declared in the utmost seriousness, "Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck, I love you!"

Awww, I'm so proud of Spoonhead…he actually said a word that had more than two syllables! He deserves a spoon-shaped cookie!

"What. The. Hell."

Grimmjow Jaegerjaques had seen the whole thing. He was still looking for Ulquiorra, because he was convinced that it was the Quatro Espada who had stolen his supply of catnip, and had just happened to come across this odd confrontation.

Jumping up, Nnoitra Spoonhead swung his spoon-shaped sword-axe-katar-thing at the kitty-cat.

"HOW DARE YOU DOUBT MY LOVE!11‼1one!1‼"

As Grimmjow had somehow misplaced his Zanpakutou (*shiftyeyes*), he grabbed the nearest thing on hand to defend himself.

A cupcake.

And not just any cupcake, but…

**AN AWESOME CUPCAKE OF CHAOS**.

Tell me you didn't see that coming, this plot is so horribly messed up that there's no way you didn't. (I know that most of you are probably thinking "Wait, there's a _plot_ to this?)

…but, it missed. And flew right into Nel's mouth, who had fallen asleep while standing and was snoring. Suddenly finding herself choking, Nel woke up and swallowed the cookie. Er, cupcake. Same thing.

Guess who she saw first?

Yup.

The kitty-cat.

Breaking into the very primitive fist-fight that was ensuing between Nnoitra Spoonhead and Grimmjow Kitty-Cat (Spoonhead's spoon-sword fell into a plot-hole…I hope it didn't hit Tes…Kel…whatever that fraccion's name was), Nel glomped Grimmjow and planted a biiiig kiss on his lips.

"I luuuuurrrrve you Grimmjow!"

"NOOOOEEEESSS, Nel!11!one!1" Nnoitra cried. "But I love you!"

"But I love Grimmjow more!"

"No, I love YOU more!"

Meanwhile, Grimmjow had died from over-exposure to mushiness. That, or his brain shorted out from seeing Nnoitra Spoonhead act so…un-Nnoitra Spoonhead.

And so, not even realising that Grimmjow was dead, Nnoitra Spoonhead and Nel started a sissy fight of epic proportions that lasted 10000002.03903493498.45789apple57845 days.

* * *

Me: Ah, poor Grimmjow. Now, how many people _actually _thought I was going to give them a million dollars?

…

Me: This is boring without another character here.

Aizen: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I'M STILL HERE, WOMAN!

Me: Oh yeah. You're here. Seriously, I can now see why Aizen defeated all of Soul Society single-handedly (because who really cares about fox-face and blindo? Other than their fangirls, of course). HE'S TOO DAMN HARD TO KILL!

Aizen: OF COURSE I AM! I AM THE FUTURE RULER OF–

Me: I'm now disabling CAPS for you, Aizen. And I've already heard what you claim to be. Several hundred times now. It got annoying after the -18cupcake.43873.89th time.

Aizen: that's not even a number!11‼1‼!1!1‼

Me: 'Course it is. Don't you remember your sixth grade math class? Or did you even go?

Aizen: …

Me: I thought not. But seriously, I've already tried dumping this guy into a vat of hot oil, throwing him into a horde of Aizen fangirls, and then I even tossed him into a horde of Asuma fangirls disguised as Hidan…and he still won't die! HE'S PART FREAKING COCKROACH, I SWEAR! (that _would_ explain the wings…) So anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! See you next time, and maybe by then I would have rid myself of Aizen!

Aizen: AND FREE ME FROM THIS MADWOMAN OR ELSE I WILL DO SOMETHING TOO HORRIBLE FOR WORDS TO YOU‼

Me: Oi, how did you enable CAPS?


	7. Chapter 7:  YammyXTellia

Me: Meh…I finally got rid of Aizen. How? Unfortunately, that's classified information, but I _will_ say that it involved the FBI, CIA, PRI, KFC, NRSAP, and the HLLA. (anyone who can tell me what those stand for gets a cookie) So I'm going to enjoy this little bit of peace while it lasts, and post the next chapter! By the way, thanks to lamekirby for this idea, and to Miku Alli for being a brilliant beta! And just a reminder, I don't own anything other than this very pointless, barely tangible plot.

Max: EMBEE! I FOUND YOU!

Me: Oh #*#&…she found me…

Max: NO ONE KIDNAPS ONE OF MY FLOCK!

Me: Crap, it looks like my Iggy-napping finally caught up with me. Enjoy the chapter while I attempt to avoid a horrible death at the hands of an insane cookie-holic! *disappears*

Max: YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE! *disappears*

* * *

Yammy Llargo was bored and hungry. Randomly regenerating after being disintegrated by Aizen's wrath about Yammy crushing Glassella (he was _still _holding the funeral) made an Espada very hungry. He was bored because all the Espada (and their fraccion) seemed to have disappeared. He couldn't figure out where anyone was.

(but _we _know that they had either succumbed to the **AWESOME CUPCAKES OF CHAOS**, fallen through a plot hole, or were hiding from both)

So Yammy decided to get something from the fridge and watch T.V. It would solve both his problems at once!

Unfortunately, Yammy got lost. He's not that smart, and always forgets where everything is. Most of his brain gets used for the more important things, like remembering to breathe.

It was getting quite boring, sitting there in Szayel's lab room, watching Yammy wander aimlessly, constantly reminding himself to breathe. So I decided to help him out a little bit.

"_Yaaammmyyyyy….tuuurrrnnn lleeeffftt…"_

Yammy jumped and looked around for the noise.

"Who said that?" he said.

I banged on the microphone. For some reason it was messing up my voice, making it sound all spooky-like. I thought about asking Szayel about how to fix it…but he was looking kinda lifeless, floating in that fluid. Besides, the moment I let him out would be the moment all hell broke loose.

Other than the very obvious fact that I had commandeered his equipment, I _accidentally _set fire to his collection of Lady Gaga posters.

Eheh…whoops. -shiftyeyes-

"_Yaaammmyyyyy…thiiiiiisss issss youuuuurrrr connnnsssscienccccce ssspeeeaaakkingggg…."_

"OH-EM-EF-GEE THRE'S A GHOST!111!11!ONE1!1!" Yammy screeched (several mics broke in the lab when he did that, and I think I saw the tank I had dropped Szayel in crack a little…).

Funny, Yammy was scared of a ghost…but _he's _technically a ghost.

Yammy took off running, barrelling through several walls in the process.

Whoops, there's another half of Los Noches in rubble.

I think he even ran over Ulquiorra, who had been traumatized after seeing Aizen with Glassella. (who wouldn't?)

Suddenly Yammy tripped…

…and fell into a plot hole.

But wait! Suddenly he fell out of the sky and kept running, screaming about ghosts.

Finally he stopped. But that was only because he ran into his fridge, which, in order to last longer than five seconds as 'Yammy's fridge', was made of something so strong that even _Yammy _couldn't destroy it.

Like marshmallows.

Yammy forgot all about the scawry ghost in the hall.

"Yay~ I found my fridge!" Yammy squealed. (more glass cracked…I was starting to get a little nervous)

He reached into the fridge and grabbed the first thing that came to his hand…paw…claw…thing…

**AN AWESOME CUPCAKE OF CHAOS**.

…with icing shaped like Ulquiorra?

"AHOMGIT'SACUPCAKEICAN'-KUNBUTNOTHENHE'LLTAKEIT!11!11!1!1!ONE!1"

…he said that all in one breath.

If it weren't for my handy-dandy 'Stupid-Speak Translator', I wouldn't have been able to understand him at all! (i.e. I speak it fluently…no comments from you!)

So Yammy _skipped _through more walls, running over Ulquiorra again, to find a T.V. to watch. He also burst through the room of Coyote Starrk, running _him _over in the process. Starrk just kept on snoring as the 243 gajillion ton Espada ran him over. While he was snoring, a little bit of the icing from Yammy's cupcake fell into Starrk's mouth. Starrk just turned over and kept sleeping, although he had some very strange dreams involving some very schmexy fire-hydrants…

Yammy finally settled down in front of a T.V., which he had miraculously missed by mere centimeters on his wild charge, and took a biiig bite of the cupcake (which by this point was looking a little squished…)

Suddenly Yammy's eyes bugged out. He was sitting in front of the most beautiful, hot, wonderful, schmexy, T.V. he had ever seen.

What was with these Los Noches people and their infatuation with inanimate objects? Next thing you know, Hitsugaya will be going out with his paperwork!

* * *

_Somewhere in the Seireitei…_

"So…you come here often?" Hitsugaya Toushiro asked, gazing lovingly at a pile of paperwork.

The paperwork sat there, looking as lovely as a pile of paperwork can. Unfortunately, this strange occurrence was not caused by a cupcake.

* * *

"Oh Tellia~ I loooove you!" Yammy cried, and charged the T.V. to show his utter devotion.

Unfortunately, Yammy had forgotten that he weighs more than a pregnant blue whale, and TV's aren't _nearly _as tough as marshmallow fridges. Tellia was reduced to a pile of broken T.V. bits that fizzled a bit.

"Tellia where'd you go?" Yammy asked, sounding heartbroken. "Are we playing Hide and Seek?"

I'm tellin' ya, somethin's loose up there.

"Imma gonna find you!" And so Yammy started skipping again to go find his T.V. This was a little disturbing.

Yammy was starting to get tired of skipping, when he ran into something very odd.

Ronald MacDonald. The clown. As in, _the _clown.

"Bah-dah-bah-bah-baaah~ I'm lovin' it!" Ronald MacDonald said.

"Tellia!" Yammy cried and started crushing Ronald MacDonald in a great big hug. "Yammy missed Tellia!"

…is it just me, or is Yammy's IQ deteriorating by the second?

"I command thee to stop in the name of JUSTICE!"

~Guess who?

Tousen was standing…facing the wrong way? He had his back to Yammy and the near-suffocated Ronald MacDonald, but it kinda looked like he was talking to them.

"Thou shalt unhand that intruder, and deliver it unto me!"

What's with the Old English?

"Waah! Tellia, protect Yammy!" Yammy said and threw the unconscious clown at Tousen, who held out a hand and shouted,

"JUSTICE!"

Somehow he managed to make Ronald MacDonald disintegrate without actually facing the right way. By the time the dust had cleared, Tousen was striking a hero-pose and giving the rubble around him a speech on JUSTICE, and Yammy was looking for Tellia once more.

Suddenly my monitors started beeping, and I turned to see another victim of the cupcakes. Tia Harribel was currently inspecting the very fishy cupcake she had found.

Pun intended. 8D

"Now how's she going to eat that if she has a mask covering her mouth…?" I wondered, and leaned forward eagerly to watch.

Just as Harribel was picking up the cupcake to eat it, all the monitors suddenly fizzled out, and I looked down to see some weird rat-Hollow-thing chewing on the wires.

"BAD RAT! BAD! NO CHEW! NONONONONO!" I screeched, and the rat ran away. I like to think I intimidated it, but I think it was thinking more along the lines of "OMG THE MADWOMAN SAW ME".

The monitors came back, but I missed seeing Harribel eat the cupcake. Damn.

Harribel was feeling good that day. Not only was most of the annoying Espada randomly absent, but so were her constantly-bickering fraccion. The discovery of the shark-like cupcake made things even better!

…but, the day was ruined when Yammy and Tousen came bursting through the wall. Yammy was shouting something about 'Tellia', and Tousen…

Cue sparkles!

Tousen was a gift from above! Or below, if you count the ocean. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE OCEAN GODS, OR THEY'LL STEAL YOUR TWINKIES.

Harribel quickly shoved Yammy through another wall and glomped Tousen.

"Tousen-sama, I love you so much!" Harribel cried. Her fraccion would be having heart attacks if they saw their beloved Harribel acting like this. "What should I do to prove this to you?"

Tousen, being blind and all, didn't even notice the Espada hanging on to his arm.

"JUSTICE must be spreadeth to all corners of the universe!" he cried. "Followeth the path of least bloodshed, even if that meaneth following a psychotic paedophile with a creepy mullet! Whatever path thou art on, if it's in the name of JUSTICE, iseth the path of least bloodshed, even when coveredeth in BLOOD!"

"Yes! How true!" Harribel cried.

Yammy, on the other hand, was not happy about being shoved through another wall. Only _Yammy _gets to shove Yammy through walls. On the plus side, he found another cupcake to give to Tellia.

Things were starting to get complicated.

So let's add _another _wrench to the equation, shall we? *drowninginsarcasm*

"DEATH EATERS! THE DEATH EATERS ARE HERE!" Harry Potter, a.k.a the Boy Who Lived, a.k.a the Chosen One, a.k.a. Ulquiorra in Another Life, ran through the destroyed room, waving a wand around and screeching something about Death Eaters.

"JUSTICE! JUSTICE MUST PREVAILETH! JUSTICE ON THE INTRUDER!" Tousen and Harribel screamed together.

"TELLIA!" Yammy screamed.

And then all three of them ran after Harry Potter. They mowed down anything in their path. Aizen (who was _still _holding Glassella's funeral), Ulquiorra (who was very confused at seeing his reincarnated self running through the halls of Los Noches), Starrk (who was still asleep), Nnoitra and Nel (who were still fighting), and even the pizza man (I guess this means I don't get my order…).

Before I could figure out where they were going, however, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"You –censor—censor—censor—censor—," Szayel snarled, looking quite pissed. I didn't want to know how exactly he survived. "You destroyed my monitors, and then have the _audacity _to lock me up in my own lab! I'm am going to–"

Whatever Szayel was going to say next was cut off as suddenly Harry Potter burst through the doors, followed by Yammy and the Justice Duo.

"DEATH EATERS!" Harry Potter screeched.

"TELLIA!" Yammy screeched.

"JUSTICE-ETH!" Tousen and Harribel screeched.

"WHAT THE –CENSOR—CENSOR—CENSOR—?" Szayel screeched.

"…crap…" I muttered. See, I'm too awesome to screech like a sissy (no, I was _not _simply too shocked to say anything else)

Yammy immediately ran over and tried to glomp the gazillion and one screens that Szayel had all over his walls, Harry started firing off spells, and Tousen and Harribel started shooting of BEAMS OF JUSTICES at anything that moved.

Eager to save my own rear, I quickly snatched the **AWESOME CUPCAKE OF CHAOS **from Yammy's paws, stuffed it down Szayel's throat, shoved him at Harry, and said, "Have fun!" before running for the hills.

I wonder how the repair bill for Los Noches compares to the one for Soul Society?

* * *

Max: *isfoamingatthemouth* Where is she? Where is that madwoman?

Me: Hey Max, look! A flying plate of cookies!

Max: Where?

Me: *hitsMaxwithironstake* Hopefully that'll keep her down for a while. SWAT!

Random SWAT Member: You called, Your Most Awesome Majesty?

Me: Take this madwoman away, please.

R-SWAT-M: As you wish.

Me: Ah, the wonders of the physic paper. I should probably return it, though… Oh well~


	8. Chapter 8: NanaoShunsui

Me: Darn it…no more psychic paper…the Doctor found me and took it back…

Uchiha Sasuke: That's what you get for stealing.

Me: OMG HOW DID YOU GET HERE?

Sasuke: With my awesome powers of emoness.

Me: BEGONE FOUL EMO-THING!

*puff of smoke*

Sasuke: …

Me: …darn it…please don't be another Aizen-cockroach…

Sasuke: Will you destroy Konoha for me if I give you $55000 worth of chocolate?

Me: HECK YEAH! TO KONOHA OR BUST! *leavestodestroyKonoha*

Sasuke: *evillaugh* Ah…I mean…Embee does not own anything other than this sad excuse for a plot. I believe what little IQ she had is deteriorating with every chapter she writes…

* * *

After nearly getting disintegrated in the explosion that tore down Los Noches (it was an epic battle between love-crazed Espada, videos only $929304.234134/banana.23413!), I was starting to doubt the sanity of this idea. (heheh, _starting?_)

But sane ideas were never any fun!

I was back in the Seireitei, tracking down the latest victim. There were only three **AWESOME CUPCAKES OF CHAOS **left.

Three guess as to who I was tracking.

…

…

…

…

…

…

ARNOLD SWARCHENAAGER!

…

Erm…I _think_ that's how you spell his name…

PSYCH!

It was Ise Nanao.

Like the prim and proper librarian lady she was, Nanao was walking very properly to her office to properly do her work.

Pooh Bear ran by, arms full of bacon, with Kon chasing him and dragging Yamamoto, and Nanao didn't blink.

Zaraki flew by, knocked out by a Thunderbolt from Pikachu.

Justin Beiber skipped by, singing the Candy Man Song. (wait…how is _that_ possible? Wasn't he disintegrated back in chapter one?)

Edward Cullen stalked by, glittering like a My Little Pony on Christmas, trying to look badass and only managing to look very constipated.

Nanao ignored them all, and simply continued properly walking along.

…that is, until she saw _the cupcake_.

It was sitting, very properly, on a tall pedestal and shaped a little like a book.

"That is a very proper cupcake," Nanao stated properly. And then she ate it.

"Nanao-chan~!" Kyouraku Shunsui called, randomly appearing at the end of the walkway.

"Shunsui-chan~!" Nanao called, her face lighting up.

In slow-mo, they started skipping towards each other. The background was replaced with a sunset on the beach, beautiful music played.

"Nanao-chan~!"

"Shunsui-chan~!"

Kyouraku reached out to give Nanao a biiiiig hug…

…only to have her very heavy book meet his face.

Kyouraku was sent flying, comical tears running from his eyes.

"But Nanao-chan~, why?" he sobbed.

Nanao suddenly appeared in front of him.

"I love you so much, I can't resist!" Nanao giggled, and started hitting Kyouraku over the head with her book.

"Nooooo, Nanao-chan~…" Kyouraku cried and tried to escape.

"DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO RUN AWAY FROM ME!" Nanao roared, and threw the book, shuriken-style, at her taicho. He was out like a light.

"NOW YOU MUST DROWN IN PAPERWORK!"

Nanao suddenly pulled out a giant wheelbarrow full of paperwork, and dumped it over Shunsui. Sensing a threat to his life, his immediately woke up and Shunpoed away.

"NOT THE PAPERWORK! ANYTHING BUT THE PAPERWORK!" Shunsui begged, only to see Nanao charging him with a bazooka loaded with paperwork.

…where'd that come from?

"OI, LITTLE GIRLIE, YOU NO PLAY WITH JOE'S BIG GUN," boomed a voice, and Shunsui and Nanao stopped their…game…to see who had appeared.

IT WAS GI JOE!

…as a giant life-sized plastic doll?

"GI JOE IS ACTION FIGURE! NO DOLL!" GI Joe grunted.

…how did he hear me?

"GI JOE HEARS ALL!"

…creepy.

"VERY CREEPY!"

"Nanao-chan~, who's the crazy guy talking to himself?" Shunsui asked.

"I do not know, Shunsui-chan," Nanao said with an evil glint in her eyes. "BUT FOR INTERRUPTING ME I SHALL DROWN HIM IN PAPERWORK!"

Shunsui shuddered. No one deserved a fate like that. Except, perhaps, for Hitsugaya…

* * *

_Somewhere in the Seireitei…_

Hitsugaya Toushiro was skipping, hand-in-hand with his paperwork, off into the sunset.

He passed Rukia and Renji along the way.

* * *

"NO! GI JOE NEEDS BIG GUN!" GI Joe boomed. "GI JOE HAS FIGHT! BIG GUN HELP FIGHT!"

Suddenly, Zaraki appeared, looking a little fried.

"You wanna fight?" he asked, pointing his sword at GI Joe.

"GI JOE LIKE FIGHT, LITTLE MAN!"

"No, he is _mine_ to kill!" screamed Nanao, and all three of them leapt at each other and started an EPIC battle that destroyed ¼ of the Seireitei. (the rest of it was already in ruins, so there wasn't much to destroy)

Shunsui took this chance to sneak off and hide with a bottle of sake.

I took this chance to take lots of pictures.

* * *

Very Official-Looking Police Officer: Attention readers. Embee has been arrested and charged with the crime of stealing $55000 worth of chocolate. She has been sentenced to a life in prison, and–

Me: *bootsofficeroutoftheway* AND STAY OUT! NO JAIL COULD EVER HOLD ME!

Sasuke: …crap…

Me: YOU JERK YOU PAID FOR THAT CHOCOLATE WITH MONOPOLY MONEY AND FRAMED ME FOR THE CRIME, AND THE CHOCOLATE WASN'T EVEN THAT GOOD! HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT MONOPOLY IS ANYWAY?

Sasuke: *emo*

Me: …great, now he's gone into 'emo-mode'. He won't be moving for…oh… *evilgrin*

*dresses Sasuke in pink outfit using AWESOME POWERS OF FANFIC and puts makeup on his face*

Me: HA! Take that!

Sasuke: *no emo* WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO TO ME?

Me: Go enjoy your fashion show!

Sasuke: NOOOOOOOOO! *disappears*

Me: NO ONE CAN DEFEAT THE GREAT AND AWESOME ME! WAHAHAHA! *isoverconfident*


	9. Chapter 9: UkitakeLegolas

Me: Wow, second-to-last chapter. I feel so proud…

Iggy: As you should.

Me: WTF? How did you here? Wait…GO AWAY! I don't want Max to come and murder me again!

Iggy: All you did was give me a cookie and tell me to get lost. Did you really expect a blind kid to find his own way back? Oh, by the way, you might want to avoid going to Russia for the next century or so…

Me: …do I _really_ want to know why?

Iggy: Probably not.

Random Russian Dude: Gossa, que s'enfrontarà el càstig pels seus crims! Vostè es moren per ser de pell, llavors s'alimenta als cocodrils, i després obligat a veure Barbie!

Me : That's not even Russian! That's Catalan!

Random Russian Dude: Σκάσε!

Me: THAT'S GREEK!

* * *

Legolas was not a happy elf.

First he had been pulled out of his own world, and then he had been trapped with that madwoman Embee, then he lost his bow, and now he was lost in some strange _new_ world, even though Embee had promised to send him home!

"I hope Frodo and the others are doing okay," Legolas muttered, and then stopped in shock.

A few feet in front of him was a strange man with long white hair, who was currently inspecting a very tasty-looking cupcake.

Suddenly Legolas knew where he was.

"Nooooo!" he screamed, and tried to stop the white-haired man from eating the cupcake.

Too late, the man had already stuffed the cupcake into his mouth. Realizing the danger he was in, Legolas turned to run away, only to be stopped when the man grabbed his shoulder.

"Hello, I am Ukitake Juushiro," Ukitake said with a smile. "Has anyone told you how incredibly shiny you are?"

_I. Am. Screwed._ Legolas thought, and promptly began to run away.

"No! *cough* Come back my *cough* shiny *cough* wonder!" Ukitake cried and immediately started chasing after Legolas.

"No, stop!" Legolas shouted. "It's the cupcake you just ate! It's making you do weird things!"

"That cupcake *cough* was good," Ukitake said, nodding. Suddenly he stopped, barfed up a bunch of blood, and kept going. He's a vampire, so coughing up some blood doesn't bother Ukitake. "Did you *cough* want *cough* some? I could *cough* probably *cough* cough some *cough* up for *cough* you. Coughing *cough* is very *cough* easy!"

As they ran, they passed by Edward Cullen, who was still stalking around looking quite constipated.

"Hi, Me From Another Life!" Ukitake said cheerfully with a wave (heehee, geddit? Uki-kun coughs up a lot of blood, and Eddie's a vampire, SO THEY'RE TOTALLY REINCARNATIONS OF EACH OTHER! /issmackedbyTwiTards). Edward just kept stalking along, because he thinks he's too badass to answer.

"HELP ME!" Legolas cried, probably hoping that I was around to save him.

* * *

_Somewhere in a plot hole…_

"Now this is just pathetic," I said. "How can an author fall into her own plot hole? Where are they all coming from, anyway?"

"Very weak, your plot is," Yoda, who was sitting in midair, said with a nod. "Broken were Aizen's glasses, impossible it is."

I snapped my fingers. "That's right! Aizen broke his glasses when he left Soul Society, so how could they have been there for him to become infatuated with?"

Yoda shrugged. "Cookie, you want?"

* * *

Ukitake had died twice, regenerated five times, and coughed up eleven pints of blood by the time he finally caught up with Legolas.

Unfortunately, he also fell right into the middle of an all-out war between Pooh, Kon, Yamamoto, Soi Fong, Nnoitra, Nel, Tousen, Harribel, Aizen, Zaraki, Pikachu, Justin Beiber, Nanao, and just about everyone who was still alive. How the Los Noches peeps ended up in the Seireitei, the world may never know.

But World War Nine (including the major battles of this fic) was not going to stop Ukitake from getting to the love of his life. He chased Legolas around the battlefield, dodging random Bankais, Bacon-Bullets, and Paperwork Cannonballs. Legolas, on the other hand, was not as lucky. He got hit by every single attack that came his way, and by the time he was cornered by Ukitake he was looking much less shiny.

"No, please, you don't understand!" Legolas cried, trying to talk some sense into the creepy white-haired man. "The cupcake you just ate had a very powerful love potion in it!"

"The cupcake had a love potion?"

Legolas and Ukitake looked back to see Yumichika and Ikakku standing right behind them. Both were looking very, very angry.

"The cupcake I ate made me act so not beautiful," Yumichika lamented.

"Orihime…radioactive…" Chad muttered emo-ly, suddenly appearing.

"It made me get kidnapped by a Teletubby!" Orihime cried, also suddenly appearing.

"I was forced to act in a very un-mullet-cool-like way."

"JUSTICE!"

"I lost some of my awesomeness!"

"I tried to harm Yoruichi-sama!"

"I got catnip!"

"BACON!"

"Ulquiorra _stole_ my catnip!"

"I lost my spoon!"

"Nanao-chan~!"

Suddenly everyone who had been affected by the **AWESOME CUPCAKES OF CHAOS**, even those who had fallen into plot holes/died/kidnapped/all of the above, were surrounding Legolas (who was being glomped by Ukitake) and demanding an explanation.

"Ah…um…THERE! SHE'S THE REASON FOR ALL THIS!" Legolas cried, pointing a finger.

"Who, me?" I asked.

* * *

Random Russian Dude: Nə qəribə hikaye.

Iggy: Truer words have never been spoken. Except for "Bacon makes the world go round".

Me: That's _still_ not Russian!

Random Russian Dude: ทำไมคุณดูแล?

Me: Agh, I have more important things to do than deal with Russians with an identity crisis!

Iggy: Like running for your life?

Me: …huh?

Max: EMBEE!

Me: Crap! *disappears*

Iggy: Embee seems to make lots of enemies.

Random Russian Dude: Совершенно верно.

Iggy: Now _that's_ Russian. A cookie to anyone who can figure out what he's saying.


	10. Chapter 10: Dun Dun DUUUUNTHE END

After finally getting out of that plot hole, I was eager to see the chaos my cupcakes had sown.

What I was _not_ expecting was to see every character I had messed with surrounding Legolas, who I had _thought_ I had sent home, glaring at me with various degrees of anger.

"THERE! SHE'S THE REASON FOR ALL THIS!"

"Who, me?" I had a very bad feeling about this.

"GET HER!" they all roared, and leapt for me.

I turned and ran as fast as I could. I believe this is where 'adrenaline' comes in handy.

One would think that with all of Soul Society destroyed, I could have found a bunch of hiding places. But Soul Society wasn't just _destroyed_; it was reduced to numerous piles of disintegrated ash. Or, I could have simply teleported out of there with the powers of fanfiction. But I was not thinking straight, and by this point, I think I would have just opened up another plot hole and unlease something even _worse_...like Dora the Explorer or something.

"GOD, BUDDHA, ALLAH, AMATERASU, ZEUS, JUNO, THOR HELP ME!" I screeched, calling on every single deity I knew and making up a few as I went along. If the raging horde behind me caught up, I was screwed.

"HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY AWESOMENESS!" Ichigo screeched. "BANKAI!"

"FIGHT!" Zaraki yelled, and immediately started engaging Ichigo. He didn't care what was going on, so long as he could fight someone.

"JUSTICE!" Tousen screamed.

"You know you love me, I know you care/Just shout whenever, and I'll be there!" Justin Beiber sang.

"Ah…GO CHARIZARD!" I cried, and threw a random Pokéball. "Keep 'em busy!"

Charizard jumped out of the Pokéball, and roared…

…only to be run over by the slavering horde of very angry fictional characters. Justin Beiber stayed behind to sing Charizard a song in memory of him. If Charizard wasn't dead by then, he certainly was now.

"Okay…so that didn't work…we'll try this then! Secret Weapon! GO…BARBIE!"

Barbie appeared and held up a hand.

"Hi, I'm Barbie!"

The front ranks of the slavering horde that was chasing me fell to the ground, their eyes burning.

"NOOO! YORUICHI-SAMA, SAVE ME!" Soi Fong cried.

"She's so not beautiful! The ugliness is terrifying!" Yumichika screeched before fainting beautifully.

"NOOO…JUSTICE!" Tousen yelled.

But the rest of the horde just kept on coming, and ran over Barbie. Justin Beiber, who had finished Charizard's death song, came over to do the same to her. But suddenly! Barbie stood up.

"Justin Beiber! I love you!"

"Barbie! I love you too!"

And so they skipped off into the sunset, to live happily ever after.

…what? They didn't even eat a cupcake! Oh well~

"Psst…Embee, over here!"

I screeched to a stop, and saw Ichimaru Gin standing in an open Garganta, waving me over.

Now, I had two choices: keep running until I'm overwhelmed by the blood-thirsty horde of characters, or escape with the creepy fox-face.

I decided to take my chances with fox-face.

"Thanks Gin!" I shouted, and jumped into the Garganta.

"Oh, no, thank _you_," Gin said, and his smile grew even wider, if that was possible.

And then he shoved a cupcake down my throat before I could even blink.

"It has been so entertaining, seeing the chaos that resulted from those cupcakes, Embee-chan," Gin said, and then shoved me back out of the Garganta.

It closed behind me, leaving me standing in front of the slavering, ravenous, blood-thirsty horde of Shinigami/Wizard/Actors/Elf/Pokémon/Hollows.

A wide grin grew across my face.

"I LOVE YOU!" I shouted and leapt forward to meet the angry mob out for my blood.

* * *

_Deep in Los Noches…_

"Gin, was the plan successful?"

"Yes, Aizen, it was," Gin said with a grin.

"Good, very good," Aizen said, and turned back to watch the screens.

This had all been a part of his plan, because Aizen plans _everything_.

* * *

Me: I'll leave it to your imagination who I saw first. And it wasn't Gin.

Legolas: This was a very random, very weird story.

Me: Yes, yes it was.

Legolas: Can I go home now?

Me: No! You must do penance for ruining my plan and making me fall victim to my own cupcake!

Legolas: You had it coming ever since you started this.

Me: Yeah…you're right… Oh well~ I hope you readers enjoyed this incredible random story! And remember kiddies, watch out for plot holes! They like to eat people!

Legolas: Please save me…

Me: And now it's time for shameless advertising! Hooray! I'm in the process of writing a BleachXHarry Potter fic...that's actually serious (oh the horror). Miku Alli will be my beta reader once again...you're awesome Miku Alli! Be sure to check it out when I get the first chapter posted. Oh, and a huge thanks to all you lovely readers who reviewed this crack fic and for keeping me inspired, and thank you to Miku Alli to beta-ing this one and fixing all my spelling mistakes!


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